If you think that your marriage is in trouble then it’s time to get help.  So what do you do?

While there are no magical formulas there are certain steps that you can take that will lead you in the right direction.

Here are a few things that you can do immediately:

1)  Commit to open & honest communication. Always try to begin with statements about what you love about your spouse before you share your concerns.  Let him/her know how you feel but steer clear of jabs, name calling, and flinging comments only to inflict pain and hurt.

2)  Be intentional.  Don’t just hope that things will get better.  Develop a plan to improve things and follow  it.

3)  Focus on making things better each day. Know that it will take time to restore and strengthen your marriage but you can turn things around.  Don’t expect things to be perfect tomorrow but work toward small improvements each day.  Small but steady steps will get take you to a better place.

4)  Get the resources that you need.  Take a few moments to take the MyMarriageCoach quiz.  It will reveal the strengths & ‘weak spots’ in your marriage, generate your marriage score & help you get your hands on the resources that you need.  

5)  Don’t go it alone.  Turn to counselors, pastors, & good friends for help.  Decide who you can trust & then go together to talk through the issues, share your feelings, identify what needs to change then work to change it.  

You and your spouse may be in a difficult place right now but know that things can change. Remember that your relationship is worth fighting for.  With a clear plan, open communication, and work daily, it can get better. 

2. Deception – There’s no room in marriage for ‘little white lies’. If you want to wreck your marriage, just keep a few secrets from your spouse. Convince yourself that it’s for his/her own good or that you don’t want to hurt their feelings by telling them the truth.

3. Infidelity – There’s more than one way to be unfaithful to your husband or wife. Infidelity happens when one person shares something that should be shared only with his/her spouse. This could be personal thoughts, gifts, or acts of affection.

4. Abuse – Physical, verbal, or mental abuse have no place in any relationship. If you insist on hurting those closest to you or if you are the one being hurt, get help. It doesn’t have to continue.

5. Excessive input – If you really want to destroy your marriage, always turn to your parents for marriage advice when you have a disagreement with your spouse. Make sure that everyone around you knows your ‘side of the story’ and how your husband/wife screwed up.

Below you’ll find the Top Ten Practical Things that you and your spouse can do to improve your marriage.  Talk through this list with your husband or wife then agree on at least five resolutions that you’ll work on together in the year ahead.

Compliment and Brag on your Spouse – Healthy marriages have high levels of respect. Both husbands and wives need to know that they are loved unconditionally, valued, appreciated, and worth pursuing. Commit not to simply telling your husband and wife how incredible they are, tell them in front of other people. New Year’s Resolutions that will Strengthen your Marriage

Be Honest – Clear, open and honest conversation is essential to strong marriages. Couples must be able to relate well, resolve conflicts without name calling and extend forgiveness frequently. In order for a marriage to remain healthy and strong no topic can be ‘off limits’.

Talk about Your Faith – It’s critical that husbands and wives encourage each other spiritually. Each person is committed to understanding the other person’s beliefs and thoughts related to religion and faith. One of the best things that we can do for our spouses is to help him/her grow in their relationship with God.

Be a Good Friend First – It’s essential for couples to laugh and have fun together. Common interests are important however husbands and wives that are close friends also give each other permission to be themselves.

Fight Fair – Husbands and wives don’t have to agree on every topic but there’s a good way to express your feelings without saying hurtful things that you’ll regret. When you find yourself in an argument, don’t simply walk away mad, decide to keep talking and working through things so that neither of you will go to bed angry.

Make Time for Intimacy – It’s important for husbands and wives to be intimate allies confiding, sharing and supporting each other in every way possible. People in thriving marriages remain committed to romance, fulfilling sexual needs and offering emotional support. If you have to put it on the calendar, then put it on the calendar!

Be Romantic – Whether it’s leaving small notes, voice mails  or texts, find ways to flirt with your spouse. Find ways to let your husband or wife know that they are worth pursuing and that you’d marry them all over again.  New Year’s Resolutions that will Strengthen your Marriage

Set Clear Financial Goals – With financial disagreements being one of the leading factors behind many divorces, it’s critical for husbands and wives to set financial goals together. Decide how you are going to work to eliminate debt and save for the future together.

Be Intentional about Building your Marriage – Healthy marriages don’t just happen, they’re designed and built.  In order for husbands and wives to continue to grow closer, both individuals must intentionally invest time and energy into the marriage.

Find a Way to Serve Every Day – People in strong marriages know the importance of serving one another and the value of teamwork. This may very well be the best piece of marriage advice out there. Each day ask yourself, what can I do to make my husband’s or wife’s life day better today?

Don’t settle for a mediocre marriage.  This year decide in advance to give your marriage the attention that it deserves.

Happy New Year from MyMarriageCoach.com!

New Year’s Resolutions that will Strengthen your Marriage

1)  Cook dinner together.

2)  Family game night.

3)  Write out your goals/plans for 2013.

4)  Go for a walk and plan to be under the stars as the new year arrives.

5)  Go skating or bowling.

6)  Plan a family movie night, maybe even pull out the old pictures & home movies.

7)  Volunteer to serve dinner at a local homeless shelter.

8)  Load up the family and go to a “Watch Night Service” at a church near you.

9)  Book a B&B close-by.

10)  Destination unknown…pile in the car with blankets and candles then see where you end up.

Just remember, it’s not where you go or what you do, it’s who you spend the evening with that really matters.

Happy New Year!

 Things to do for New Year’s Eve

Want to know how to have a healthy relationship?  Start by evaluating these five essential areas of your marriage.

How to have a Healthy Relationship

Respect - If you want a healthy relationship, you have to maintain a a high level of respect.  Both husbands and wives need to know that they are loved unconditionally, valued, appreciated, and worth pursuing.

For more on how to increase the level of respect in your marriage, please see this great article called “How to bring more love and respect into your marriage”.

Communication - Clear, open and honest conversation is essential to strong and healthy relationships. Couples must be able to relate well, resolve conflicts without name calling and extend forgiveness frequently.  In order for a marriage to remain healthy and strong no topic can be ‘off limits’.

Faith - It’s critical that husbands and wives encourage each other spiritually.  In a healthy relationship, each person is committed to understanding the other person’s beliefs and thoughts related to religion and faith.  One of the best things that we can do for our spouses is to help him/her grow in their relationship with God.

Sacrifice - People in strong marriages know the importance of serving one another and the value of teamwork.  Marriages thrive when both individuals are willing to make personal sacrifices for their spouse’s benefit.

Finances - With financial disagreements being one of the leading factors behind many divorces, it’s critical for husbands and wives to share similar financial goals, to manage assets together as a team and to work to eliminate debt together.  For a great article on money and marriage, see “Ten Money Mistakes that can Ruin your Marriage”.

How to have a Healthy Relationship

Relationship Questions

Take a moment and respond either: 

Never or Almost Never, Sometimes, Often, Always or Almost Always. 

• I value my spouse’s opinion.
• I can be too controlling.
• I am completely open and honest with my spouse.
• My wife and I enjoy doing things just for fun.
• I keep secrets from my wife.
• I look for new ways to make my wife’s life easier.
• We stick to a written budget.
• We make time to be actively involved in a church/religious community.
• We share the household chores equally. 
• We disagree about how much debt is acceptable.
• I make time with my spouse a priority. 
• I appreciate my spouse.
• We disagree about how decisions are made in a marriage.
• We go to bed angry.
• We talk about spiritual issues.

If you were challenged by these relationship questions check out the rest by clicking on the

“Get your Marriage Score” button on the right.

Unfortunately, she didn’t realize what she had done until she returned later in the day with some newspapers to recycle.  It was then that she also realized that the dumpster had been compacted.  Not good.

This is where the story takes a turn.  She calls her husband, tells him the news, and he lets her know that he’d be right there.  When he shows up he has a choice.  He can get angry at the situation or he can help his wife find her purse.  It’s that simple.  Marriage difficulties.

So what does he do?  He immediately goes dumpster diving.  No lecture.  No guilt trips.  No ‘why did you have to interrupt my day?’ comment muttered under his breath.  My friend jumped into a dumpster, dug threw tons of crushed boxes, and found his wife’s purse.

In marriage, difficulties can come at us from all directions.  Sometimes our spouses make honest mistakes.  In those moments we all have a choice.  We can rush in, make them feel worse and belittle them or we can dive in to help them.

My friend willingly dove into a dumpster because that’s what you do for your wife.  But that’s not the impressive part.  It’s not what he did but how he did it.  I don’t know many guys who would have responded so well.

O

You are reading this right now because you have a desire to get back what was lost.  That’s a good sign.  If neither of you had that desire I say you should search for articles on ‘how to get a divorce’ instead articles on ‘how to save a marriage’!

The good news is this, you care and you’re willing to fight for your marriage or you wouldn’t be here.  That’s a good starting point!

So what now?  Well, now all that you need is the right tools to save your marriage.  Think about it like this, say someone is really out of shape physically.  One of the best ways for him/her to get back in shape would be to get a personal trainer or a coach right?   A coach would do three basic things: 

1)  Evaluate the person’s current condition;  save a marriage,

2)  Identify his/her strengths and weaknesses; save a marriage,

3)  Recommend certain tools/exercises to strengthen the weak spots;

4)  Offer motivation and encouragement to keep moving forward; h

Those are the things that a good coach does when someone is weak and wants to get in shape.  Guess what?  Those are the same four things that  a weak marriage needs and that’s why we’re here!

So you want to know how to save a marriage?  You’ve come to the right place!  Start by taking the marriage quiz.  It will enable you to quickly evaluate your marriage, identify the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, and recommend specific resources to help your weak spots.  

Getting your marriage score is a great starting point because you cannot know exactly what work needs to be done until you evaluate where you are.  We’re glad that you’re here!  

Please look around and check out the marriage quiz.  It could very well be the first step in saving your marriage!

So do you really want to know where things really stand in your marriage?
Try the best online marriage quiz available…

It’s Quick, Easy, & Confidential!

Quickly analyzes 10 key areas of your marriage
Generates your Marriage Score and Easy to Read Report
Recommends Resources Based on Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Sample Report

How to Get Your Coaching Report and Marriage Score:

• Click the “Get Your Marriage Score” Button to Register.
• Take the Marriage Quiz together or solo.
• Your responses are instantly analyzed.  Marriage quiz.
• An easy to read “Coaching Report” is generated for each person taking the marriage quiz which includes: A Relationship Profile that reveals the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, Recommended Resources that Target the Primary ‘Weak Spots’, and your Marriage Score.  Marriage quiz.
• Print your Coaching Report and begin to strengthen your relationship immediately!  Marriage quiz.
• A password is automatically emailed to you allowing you to access your Coaching Report for one week after you take the marriage quiz. You can access it and/or print it as many times as you like during that period.  Marriage quiz.

You’re Invited to take the Marriage Quiz today!

Marriage Quiz

So you suspect that your marriage is in trouble but how do you really know if it’s time to get help? Here are a few warning signs. If any of these hurtful habits and behaviors exist in your relationship, it’s time to reach out and get help for you and your spouse. Marriage Trouble
1) Dishonesty - Good relationships are built on truth and trust. There’s no room for even the smallest bit of dishonestly between you and your spouse.  Marriage trouble.
2) Constant Criticism – We all should be able to take a bit of constructive criticism but if we can never say anything positive about our spouses and if one or both of you are hyper-critical then there’s a problem.
3) Abuse – There are many types of abuse…verbal, physical, and emotional. There is no room for any of it, period.
4) Infidelity – Just like there are many types of abuse, there are also many types of infidelity…sexual, emotional, or anything else that takes priority over our spouses and betrays his/her trust.  Marriage Trouble.
5) Disrespect – Great marriages have high levels of respect. If one or both of you don’t feel valued, appreciated and respected there’s a problem.

So what do you do if some of these things are currently at work in your relationship?

Take a few moments to take the MyMarriageCoach quiz. Your Coaching Report will reveal exactly where the ‘weak spots’ are in your marriage and help you get your hands on the resources that you need.  It’s without a doubt one of the best things that you can do to get your relationship headed back in the right direction.  

Get the help and the marriage advice that you need. Don’t wait and assume that things will automatically get better.   Marriage Trouble, advice, Marriage trouble, problems, marriage trouble.

Here are a few posts that may point you in the right direction:  Marriage Trouble.
Marriage Advice
When a Marriage is in Trouble
Marriage Help