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One for the guys….Be a Wingman

2011 September 5

So a good friend tells you that he and his wife have decided to get a divorce.  He tells you that it’s for the best but you can see the sadness in his eyes.  You know that even he doesn’t believe that.  Not for a moment and you don’t either.

Divorce won’t be the best choice for him, his wife, or their two children.  Even though it may look like the best way forward, this will be a decision that will radically alter his family forever.

Your friend assures you that they’ve tried everything possible to rescue their relationship but the passion is simply gone.  There’s no abuse, no affair, no addictions.  There is however, loads of stress.  Money is tight.  He’s working two jobs.  She just lost her dad and now she’s taking care of her mom who was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.  She claims he’s never at home.  He says that even when he is around that she doesn’t have any time left for him.

It breaks your heart because you know them both extremely well.  You’ve seen them in the good times.  They truly are good for each other but they’ve hit a really tough spot.  They both will tell you that their marriage has reached the point of no return.

You don’t want to see them give up on their marriage but what do you do?  What kind of marriage advice do you offer someone who has already decided to walk away?  Well, if you really are his friend, you convince him to stay and fight for his marriage and his family.  Let him know that it’s worth it and tell him that you’ll help him fight.  It’s the only thing to do.

In his book “For the Honor of the Vow”, Robert Cossick says that guys who are thinking about walking away from their wives must have a wingman.  He writes, “Your most important tool or resource is going to be a good friend who will tell it to you straight, will hold you accountable, and will lock arms with you to help carry you through;” p. 47.

If you truly care about your friend and his marriage, be his wingman.  Tell him what he needs to hear instead of what he wants to hear.  Let him know that he can rebuild his marriage.  In fact, one of the best things that you can do is get him the book I just mentioned, “For the Honor of the Vow”.  (It’s written primarily for guys but ladies can certainly benefit from it too.  Type in the promo code “Tenney” and get 30% off)

It’s a powerful book that will help him to stay and fight for his marriage.  Making that decision is the first step.  It’s never too late to save a marriage.  It is possible to rebuild and you can help.

Be a wingman.

One Response leave one →
  1. Valerie Norris permalink
    September 6, 2011

    How is any of what they’re going through right now going to be helped by splitting up? They’re both in need of understanding and compassion–especially the wife, I think. She needs her best friend to be there for her, understanding that she’s in over her head emotionally and physically. He should be there to help her in the loss of her father and the care of her mother. When I went through cancer, my husband took a back seat to the treatment/healing process, and he stepped up to take over in a lot of areas. He was amazing! And this husband can be, too. He needs someone who’s been through some rough spots in a long term marriage to walk with him through this.

    Thanks, Jay, for all you do for couples!

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