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The Secret to a Great Marriage

2015 March 1
by The Marriage Coach

One of the Best Sermons on Marriage and Staying in Love that you’ll ever hear:

 

Andy Stanley, Northpoint Church

In this message, Andy Stanley reveals the secret to having a great marriage and staying in love.  It’s well worth watching.

this will help couples who are interesting in saving their marriages

Top Three Ingredients of a Successful Marriage

2015 March 1
by The Marriage Coach
Successful Marriage

Successful marriages must have these three ingredients:

Respect

In order for a marriage to thrive, there must be mutual respect.  This involves listening to what the other person has to say as well as having an appreciation for his/her point of view.  It also means no name-calling or not putting your spouse down.  Successful marriages always contain a high level of respect.

Sacrifice

Love is demonstrated through sacrifice.  This means that sometimes we must be willing to put our own needs aside for the sake of the relationship.  This can be tough because our culture always tells us to look out for ourselves and push our way to the top.  It can be tough to defer and not demand to always get our way.  Successful marriages always center around sacrifice.

Trust

This is the most basic ingredient of any successful marriage.  There’s no room for secrets or ‘little white lies’.  Husbands and wives must be able to trust each other implicitly so that absolutely anything can be shared.  Trust can be rebuilt even if it has been broken.  Know that it will take time for it to be re-established but it can be done and your marriage can thrive again.

So what if one or more of these ingredients are missing from your marriage?

These three ingredients are essential so if one of them are missing from your marriage, work to add it back.  Pray for it and make sure that it’s evident in your own life first.  Model it everyday and God will grow it in your marriage and make it successful in every way.

How to save a marriage

2015 February 17
by The Marriage Coach

saving a marriage

While there are no magical formulas there are certain steps that you can take that will lead you in the right direction.

The first step in mending a broken marriage is getting God involved & looking at the relationship through a spiritual lens.  There may be communication problems, infidelity, or destructive habits present but many times the real problem is that God has been edged out of the relationship. 

It can happen. We stand before God’s altar & vow to keep Him in the center of our marriages but sometimes He gets left out or pushed to the sidelines.   This will help save your marriage.

So instead of just focusing on the symptoms or blaming each other or someone else, step back & ask “What place have we given God in our marriage?”  Start there.  Ask the hard questions about the spiritual health of your marriage then you’ll be ready to tackle the other issues that you’re facing.

Beyond that, here are a few other steps you can take to immediately to help save a marriage:

Steps you can take:

1)  Commit to open & honest communication. Always try to begin with statements about what you love about your spouse before you share your concerns.  Let him/her know how you feel but steer clear of jabs, name calling, and flinging comments only to inflict pain and hurt.

 

2)  Be intentional.  Don’t just hope that things will get better.  Think about the steps you can take, then develop a plan to improve things and follow  it.

This will also will help save a marriage.

3)  Focus on making things better each day. Know that it will take time to restore and strengthen your marriage but you can turn things around.  Don’t expect things to be perfect tomorrow but work toward small improvements each day.  Small but steady steps will get take you to a better place.

 

4)  Get the resources that you need.  Take a few moments to take thMyMarriageCoach quiz.  Iwill reveal the strengths & ‘weak spots’ in your marriage, generate your marriage score & help you get your hands on the resources that you need.  

 

5)  Don’t go it alone.  Turn to counselors, pastors, & good friends for help.  Decide who you can trust & then go together to talk through the issues, share your feelings, identify what needs to change and what steps you can take then work together to save your marriage.  This will help save a marriage.

You and your spouse may be in a difficult place right now but know that things can change. Remember that your relationship is worth fighting for.  With a clear plan, open communication, and work daily, it can get better. 

All of these ideas will help you save a marriage.

 

How to Have a Happy Marriage

2015 February 15
by The Marriage Coach

If you want to know how to have a happy marriage, start here! This article talks about how respect, communication, faith, sacrifice, finances are important.

Want to have a happy marriage?   Happy Marriage info

Start by evaluating these five essential areas of your relationship.

Happy Marriage

Respect – If you want a healthy relationship, you have to maintain a a high level of respect.  Both husbands and wives need to know that they are loved unconditionally, valued, appreciated, and worth pursuing.

For more on how to increase the level of respect in your marriage, please see this great article called “How to bring more love and respect into your marriage”.

Communication – Clear, open and honest conversation is essential to strong and healthy relationships. Couples must be able to relate well, resolve conflicts without name calling and extend forgiveness frequently.  In order for a marriage to remain healthy and strong no topic can be ‘off limits’.

Faith – It’s critical that husbands and wives encourage each other spiritually.  In a healthy relationship, each person is committed to understanding the other person’s beliefs and thoughts related to religion and faith.  One of the best things that we can do for our spouses is to help him/her grow in their relationship with God.  Happy Marriage

Sacrifice – People in strong marriages know the importance of serving one another and the value of teamwork.  Marriages thrive when both individuals are willing to make personal sacrifices for their spouse’s benefit.  Happy Marriage

Finances – With financial disagreements being one of the leading factors behind many divorces, it’s critical for husbands and wives to share similar financial goals, to manage assets together as a team and to work to eliminate debt together.  For a great article on money and marriage, see “Ten Money Mistakes that can Ruin your Marriage”.

 How to have a happy marriage

Is My Marriage In Trouble?

2015 February 15
by The Marriage Coach

marriage-troubleIs my Marriage in Trouble?

Is my marriage in trouble? It may not be. Here are some things that may help if you think your marriage is in trouble.

If you think that your marriage is in trouble then it probably is and it’s time to get help. So what do you do? While there are no magical formulas there are certain steps that you can take that will lead you in the right direction. Here are a few things that you can do immediately:  ways to tell if your marriage is in trouble

1) Remember that your marriage is worth fighting for. Decide to do whatever it takes to strengthen it.

2) Be intentional. Don’t just hope that things will get better. Develop a plan to improve things and follow it.

3) Commit to open and honest communication. Always try to begin with positive statements about what you love about your spouse. Let him/her know how you feel but steer clear of jabs, name calling, and flinging comments only to inflict pain and hurt. 

iSigns your marriage in trouble.

4) Take a moment to take the MyMarriageCoach quiz.  This will enable you to quickly identify the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship and help you grab the resources that you need.  This can be the first step to getting your marriage headed back in the right direction. is my marriage in trouble?

5) Focus on making things better each day. Know that it will take time to restore and strengthen your marriage but you can turn things around.

6) Don’t go it alone. Pull others that you trust into the conversation (i.e, counselors, pastors, or good friends). Decide who you can talk to then go together to talk through the issues, express your feelings, get good marriage advice, and develop a plan to strengthen your relationship.

Most importantly, know that you can do this. You and your spouse may be in a difficult place right now and you may feel like your marriage is in trouble but know that things can change.

is my marriage in trouble?

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Marriage

2015 February 14
by The Marriage Coach

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Marriage

Top Ten Ways to Improve your Marriage

If you’re looking for ways to improve your marriage, we highly recommend starting here.  As you read through the list, rate yourself on how you’re doing in each area or better yet, ask your spouse how you’re doing in each one!  Seriously, talk through this list with your husband or wife and use it to evaluate the state of your marriage. Good luck! Top 10 ways to improve your marriage.

1. Compliment and Brag on your Spouse – Healthy marriages have high levels of respect. Both husbands and wives need to know that they are loved unconditionally, valued, appreciated, and worth pursuing. Commit not to simply telling your husband and wife how incredible they are, tell them in front of other people.

2. Be Honest – Clear, open and honest conversation is essential to strong marriages. Couples must be able to relate well, resolve conflicts without name calling and extend forgiveness frequently. In order for a marriage to remain healthy and strong, no topic can be ‘off limits’.

3. Talk about Your Faith – It’s critical that husbands and wives encourage each other spiritually. Each person is committed to understanding the other person’s beliefs and thoughts related to religion and faith. One of the best things that we can do for our spouses is to help them grow in their relationship with God.

4. Be a Good Friend First – It’s essential for couples to laugh and have fun together. Common interests are important however husbands and wives that are close friends also give each other permission to be themselves.

5. Fight Fair – Husbands and wives don’t have to agree on every topic but there’s a good way to express your feelings without saying hurtful things that you’ll regret. When you find yourself in an argument, don’t simply walk away mad, decide to keep talking and working through things so that neither of you will go to bed angry.

6. Make Time for Intimacy – It’s important for husbands and wives to be intimate allies confiding, sharing and supporting each other in every way possible. People in thriving marriages remain committed to romance, fulfilling sexual needs and offering emotional support. If you have to put it on the calendar, then put it on the calendar!

7. Be Romantic – Whether it’s leaving small notes, voicemails, or texts, find ways to flirt with your spouse. Find ways to let your husband or wife know that they are worth pursuing and that you’d marry them all over again.

8. Set Clear Financial Goals – With financial disagreements being one of the leading factors behind many divorces, it’s critical for husbands and wives to set financial goals together. Decide how you are going to work to eliminate debt and save for the future together.

9. Be Intentional about Building your Marriage – Healthy marriages don’t just happen, they’re designed and built. In order for husbands and wives to continue to grow closer, both individuals must intentionally invest time and energy into the marriage.

10. Find a Way to Serve Each Other Every Day – People in strong marriages know the importance of serving one another and the value of teamwork. Each day ask yourself, what can I do to make my husband’s or wife’s life day better today?

If you these 10 ways to improve your marriage have been beneficial to you please let us here from you!

The Pressure of Valentine’s Day

2015 January 30
by The Marriage Coach
Valentines

So have you felt the pressure of Valentines yet?  Every guy reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about.  It typically starts around the beginning of February or maybe even earlier.  The perfect Valentine’s Day Gift

You see, that’s when you notice that the cards and candy have hit the stores.  So immediately you start thinking about what to get your wife.  Flowers?  Nope, every guy does that.  Candy?  I don’t think so.

And so the question stays with you for several weeks.  How can I let my wife know how much I love and appreciate her?  One thing’s for sure, whatever it is, it has to be better than last year.  That’s just how it works and therein lies the problem…and the pressure. The perfect Valentine’s Day Gift

Valentine’s can begin to feel forced and well, you can say lots of things about love but one thing’s for sure, it shouldn’t be forced.  And I can tell you, considering all that my wife puts up with from me, expressing my love to her with flowers or chocolate one day a year just doesn’t cut it.  She deserves more.  (Yes, you guessed it, this is the part where I suck up to my wife for saying that I don’t like Valentine’s Day!)

What I’m trying to say is that I hope and pray that I express my love to my wife every day and not just on those ‘Hallmark Holidays’ when I’m ‘supposed’ to express it.  Our spouses need to know that we still believe in them…everyday.  They need to know that we’d marry them all over again and that there are thousands of things that we love about them…everyday.  The perfect Valentine’s Day Gift

So if you want to give your spouse an incredible Valentine’s gift, give them that.  Sure, go to dinner on the 14th, shower them with flowers and chocolate if that’s what they like but also recommit yourself to expressing your love to them on the other 364 days of the year.  Use post it notes, texts, cards…whatever it takes.  The perfect Valentine’s Day Gift

If all else fails, try telling them what you love and appreciate about them…everyday.  Then they’ll know you’re not just saying it on the one day that you’re supposed to.  The perfect Valentine’s Day Gift

 

marriage help, marriage problems, marriage advice

5 Quick Ways to Destroy Your Marriage

2015 January 26
by The Marriage Coach
Destroy your marriage
  1. Criticism – Constant nagging & criticism doesn’t help your husband or wife, it just makes them want to avoid you.  If you want to ruin your marriage, just insist on always pointing out your spouse’s faults.
  2. Deception – If you want to wreck your marriage, start keeping a few secrets from your spouse.  Convince yourself that it’s for his/her own good or that you don’t want to hurt their feelings by telling them the truth.
  3. Infidelity – There’s more than one way to be unfaithful to your husband or wife.  Emotional affairs are just as toxic as physical ones so if you want to really screw things up, just start sharing intimate, personal stuff with as many other people as possible.
  4. Abuse – Physical, verbal, or mental abuse have no place in any relationship. If you insist on hurting those closest to you or if you are the one being hurt, get help.  It doesn’t have to continue.
  5. Excessive input – If you really want to destroy your marriage, always turn to your parents for marriage advice. If that doesn’t work, just make sure that everyone around you knows your ‘side of the story’ and how your husband/wife screwed up.

The Perfect Gift

2013 December 19
Christmas Gift

Ok, so what’s the best Christmas gift that you received last year?  It’s tough to remember isn’t it?  Honestly, I can’t remember what the best gift that I received was either but I’m sure that it came from my wife and I’m sure that I loved it!

Each year leading up to Christmas we spend all kinds of time and energy searching for the perfect gifts for the people that we love.  We all want to get them the best gift possible right?  It’s just what we do this time of year and that’s a good thing.

So if you’re still wondering what to get your husband or wife please allow me to make a suggestion.  Give them the gift of your time and your presence.  That’s actually the best marriage advice that I can give this time of year.  Sure, shower them with the store bought gifts that they’ve dropped hints about but also make sure you block off some time this Christmas just to be together.  It really is the best gift that we have to give and it will help your marriage immensely.

Someone once said that “Time is the greatest currency of love, not money”.   Think about that for a minute.   Do you really believe that?  If you do, then that’s going to affect the way you approach Christmas this year.

Trust me ladies, your husbands will appreciate a quiet romantic dinner with you at your favorite restaurant much more than another pair of slippers or a tie.  Guys, your wives will love a couple of nights at a bed and breakfast much more than a sweater and a pair of shoes.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you give your time to your spouse simply to get out of buying a gift!  (So guys don’t tell your wives that a weekend away with you is just as good as a pair of diamond earrings!)  That’s not exactly what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about making sure that your marriage doesn’t get neglected during this busy season.  I’m talking about blocking off some time to spend with your spouse.

That’s actually what my wife and I have decided that we’re going to give each other this year for Christmas.  We talked and we both already have everything that we need.  The one thing that we don’t have enough of is time to spend with each other so we decided that we’re going to get away together for a couple of days after Christmas.  We don’t have an agenda.  Our only plan is to be together.  That’s our gift to each other and I’ve got to tell you that really will be the best gift I could ask for.

You know, the material things that we give don’t really have a lasting impact do they?  It’s the time that we spend with each other, that’s what really matters.

So yes, go ahead and get her the diamond earrings but also remember that the greatest gifts that we can give to our spouses will be our time, our presence, and our undivided attention.

Merry Christmas!

Mending a Broken Marriage

2013 June 25
by The Marriage Coach
mending a broken marriage

Mending a Broken Marriage

The first step in mending a broken marriage is getting God involved & looking at the relationship through a spiritual lens.  There may be communication problems, infidelity, or destructive habits present but many times the real problem is that God has been edged out of the relationship.  Mending a broken marriage.  Mending a broken marriage.  

It can happen. We stand before God’s altar & vow to keep Him in the center of our marriages but sometimes He gets left out or pushed to the sidelines.   Mending a broken marriage.

So if your marriage is broken, instead of just focusing on the symptoms or blaming each other or someone else, step back & ask “What place have we given God in our marriage?”  Start there.  Ask the hard questions about the spiritual health of your marriage then you’ll be ready to tackle the other issues that you’re facing.  Mending a broken marriage.  Mending a broken marriage.

 Mending a Broken Marriage

Mending a broken marriage.  Mending a broken marriage. Mending a broken marriage.  Mending a broken marriage.